I used to know this girl, but I’m happier now that I don’t

I used to know this girl, but I’m happier now that I don’t. It was toxic, our friendship. It was based around drama, the more, the better. Everyday was something. Something to complain about, someone to make fun of, a secret shared, a lie covered. Whispers to each other that no one else could hear, private rude jokes that no one else would understand, eye ball rolling to each other when we thought no one else was looking. Everyday started with a text message, or a phone call, picking up with the negative conversation we were having the night before. Always solving all the problems of the world because only we were right. And when we would go out together, it was like only we existed. It was our world and everyone else should be honored to live in it. Some days we were inseparable. We thought we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. We had each other’s backs, until we didn’t. Best friends or worst enemies? I mean misery does love company.

Wait, what??? This was never my life or my friendship, but is it yours or someone you know? A life surrounded by toxicity? A life where a person or people manage to become the sole focus of your world to the point where you lose focus of your own. And losing focus of your life means holding back on your dreams, your vision, and YES, your health.

We have all heard of Tony Robbins, Dale Carnegie, Jay Shetty, Eric Thomas and dozens of other motivational/self-improvement/be the best you, or as I call them rah-rah speakers (and yes I’ve read some books myself). We read, we listen, we attend seminars (I heard Oprah was in town recently, and from the posts I saw, people were pretty fired up), and we get all pumped up in the moment (kind of like an Amway meeting, are they still around?) ready to take on the world. But then what? The moment is gone, life picks up where it left off, and the puffed up supernatural feeling has all but dwindled. But why? You read the books, listened to the advice, and now it’s time to take action. Ready, set, go, no?

Like how do you really apply change? As in truly life changing, metamorphosis change. It isn’t so
easy putting one foot in front of the other, especially when you are at a point in your life when it’s
time to hit the reset button, start over, or jump on a fresh path. When you are at this point, the point when change is needed in order to move forward in life and succeed, you better take a good look at your inner circle, because if your closest of close is toxic and damaging, you will fall short of accomplishing what you are more than capable of doing.

So who is this inner circle and what does that have to do with health and fitness? Absolutely everything or absolutely nothing? You certainly don’t need me to tell you that the people you spend the most time with can become your main influencers, and essentially, who you mirror. So why do we continue to hear the same advice over and over and yet to make progress on change? Is it fear of change? Fear of being alone? Fear of happiness? Fear of success? Fear of failure? Fear of anything and everything?

Until you let go of all that and put the trust back into YOURSELF where it really belongs, and accept
that life is full of emotions, good, bad and everything in between (if it wasn’t we would all be
robots), then you are stuck.

Putting yourself first (which doesn’t make you selfish by the way), and getting healthy is one of the best things we can do for self-improvement. And that may mean different things for different people. For some people it may mean starting a walking program, trying meditation, or attending a yoga class. For others it may be hiring a personal trainer to learn about strength training and weight loss. And for some, it may mean the need to realign themselves with people that will have a positive influence in their life. Everyone is different. And when you make the decision to make some life changes, and start engaging in activities that promote health, take a good look at how you are spending your down time and who with.

Sometimes clearing our inner circle can be hard. Sometimes that means we don’t go out as much, or
we may feel like we have less friends. But if you start rebuilding your inner circle with people that contribute to your ability to move forward in a healthy way, you will set yourself up for more success mentally and physically.

I believe everyone needs someone. A cheerleader. A person who is excited for you if you get a job promotion even though they didn’t. A person who is running to hug you when you buy a new car, even if theirs is falling apart. A person who jumps up and down when you get engaged even if they are having a hard time dating. And, if you find you know that person, I can guarantee you that they will be standing outside of the gym giving you a a high five after you complete your first exercise class.